So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
