no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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