it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
