I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you never un-have a 4some
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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