A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
