not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
