i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
