You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
