Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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