I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
