You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
