i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
