I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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