I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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