i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
