For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
