i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
