Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just cropdusted the office
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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