The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
