tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
