Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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