we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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