It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
