better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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