So drunk its hurt
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
