I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize