cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
