Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
