yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
someone owes me an orgasm
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
