note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
