Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
