So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
