i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
