like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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