I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
