Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
