tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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