the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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