In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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