Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
