Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
