I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
