I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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