When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
