and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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