i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk is not a location!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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