if only i could text you this smell
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
