I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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