The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
