Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
