Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
