Is it because I queefed?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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