Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
