Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
