he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
