so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
