I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
