I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
