He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
