just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
