he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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