At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
