Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
