The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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