1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
