What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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