glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
