I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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