Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
