all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
